Don’t Try to Change the Other Person

Don’t Try to Change the Other Person

A good relationship is one where the husband and wife can be as they are. They are special and unique, with all their blemishes. There’s no such thing as a perfect person. Trying to make someone meet your expectations will only lead to frustration, for wife and husband.

If they change, both won’t be happy

It’s difficult to change a person. Assume you did change the other, then after you change them, they won’t be normal, they’d become like actors playing a role. That’s it. Because they will become what they’re not and they won’t be happy. Neither will you because finally they’re not what you wanted.

Change the situation around, not the person

When we face a problem, human tendency makes us look for something or someone to blame. We believe if we can change the person’s behaviour, we can lower our pains and frustrations. Changing the behaviour may be asking too much. Instead try finding what triggered or caused that argument or fight. Understand and you’ll see the answers to the problem.

Learn to appreciate what they have

A way to enrich the relationship and bring about some change is by appreciating them for what they are. Look at the positive side of them. Take a bit of effort to learn and see the unknown side of your spouse. Each person has value, it just needs a change in perspective to spot that. Have gratitude for the things they have. That could do away much of your pain and frustration.

Here's how you can avoid jeopardising your relationship.


Marriage is a lot of work, with two different individuals becoming one. Watch this video on how you can nurture your relationship without changing your individuality.

About the Author


A writer who loves to explore the world of relationships. When he’s not writing, he travels to the mountains. His favourite pastime is walking in the rain, he says. Lives in Simla.

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