Each one of us has a desire to give and receive love in a marriage. However, we all have a unique way of expressing and expecting love and this can be divided into 5 key Love Languages. Both spouses must make an effort to understand what the other speaks.
For instance, Prem is an incurable romantic and speaks Love Language #5, but his wife Rekha speaks Love Language #4. One day when he came back tired from work, she had cooked a special meal for him, but he did not appreciate it. Instead, he expected a hug from her. Ultimately both of them got upset with each other due to the mismatch of love languages. The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman explain these very well.
Love language #1: Words of affirmation
Does your husband seem the happiest when you compliment him or write him a note? If so, he is the kind who speaks the love language, Words of Affirmation. Surprise him with compliments and love notes. While praise gives him a high, criticism can completely deflate him.
Love language #2: Quality time
If your husband speaks this language, he will value the time you spend together especially while conversing with each other and the activities woven into the daily routine. Try to make ‘couple time’ where you both can bond together. Weekend getaways, daily walks or workshops together will work.
Love language #3: Receiving gifts
If he speaks this love language, love tokens are every important to him. Even if you give him a small key chain with his initials engraved on it, he would cherish and preserve it. For him, every gift you give is a milestone he marks in his relationship. Give thoughtful gifts, they need not be expensive. Make sure you remember special days like birthdays and anniversaries.
Love language #4: Acts of service
Chores and loving acts you do for your husband will make him feel loved if he speaks this love language. Please him with thoughtful acts like buying him a new sunglass for summer or helping him clean the car. Do not make the needs of others a priority. Use phrases like “I will” and “I can help.”
Love language #5: Physical touch
If your husband speaks the love language of Physical Touch, nurture him with lots of non-verbal body language and touch. Hug and show physical affection. Avoid long stints without physical intimacy.
Decoding your husband’s love language
It’s not really as tough as it seems. You just need to observe how he expresses his love for you, a smart tip is to jot down small instances. The next step is to mirror his language, this will bring you both closer. Accept his love in the way he chooses to express it.
Never give up on your efforts
Initially, mirroring a love language may feel a bit artificial and forced to you. However, keep your efforts going, you will soon find that you speak his love language with ease. It will also bring better mutual understanding and acceptance.