Is your spouse getting increasingly critical of you?

Is your spouse increasingly getting critical of you

Criticism is healthy to any relationship. Learn to overcome it easily. Do it right now.

Sometimes spouses do become critical of each other. It could be that the wife’s cooking no longer appeals to the husband or the wife feels her husband is not caring enough for her these days. Here are tips to reconnect and forgive each other.

Causes for criticism

Many spouses get upset and shocked that their partners who were so loving and appreciative before suddenly become extremely critical, nit-picking even small issues. The truth is that initially couples are on their best behaviour with each other but later the submerged issues emerge and this causes the friction. For instance, the husband may not really like the wife’s style of dressing but would have initially avoided saying anything fearing he would hurt her but later could rake up the issue. The truth about criticism is that buried deep inside each is an issue unaddressed by the spouse. However, this is the worst way to express oneself and this will yield no results.

Stop criticising

Criticising is the worst thing that you can do to your marriage; it can create anxiety, anger, mistrust, shame and more. Venting your frustration on your spouse will only break the bond between you. First, stop the criticism.

Have a heart-to-heart chat

Got a few things that you don’t like about your spouse? Handle it maturely, sit down and have a heart-to-heart chat with your spouse. Do not criticize but rather provide feedback. Resist the urge to pour out all that you dislike about your spouse. Instead speak about how the negative behaviour impacts your life and how it makes you feel, angry, upset, belittled, frustrated and so on. In case you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing be open and ask why he or she is doing it. This honest approach is healthier for your relationship than making assumptions.

Love unconditionally

When you love your spouse, do so from the bottom of your heart. Love unconditionally, none of us are perfect, learn to overlook flaws and provide unconditional acceptance.

Focus on the positives

Remember how you both were when you first got married. Walk down memory lane and recall what attracted you to your spouse and refocus on those qualities. Look at your spouse with a fresh perspective.

Tolerating and appreciating differences

All of us have an ago, an ego that wants our spouse to bow down to our every desire and put it first. An ego that always wants us to have our own way. The trick is to step away form this power struggle and get ready to embrace your spouse’s differences, compromise and tolerate them. Understand that these differences can actually strengthen your relationship.

Re-establishing respect

Criticism results in loss of respect for each other, so both of you have to consciously work towards re-establishing respect. Work on changing your own behaviour. Respect is not just about courteous behaviour but also considering your spouse’s feelings, consulting your spouse on decisions and taking an active interest in activities he or she is involved in.

Trust and respect are two of the pillars of marriage


Here's how you can make trust a priority in your relationship. Watch as BK Shivani elaborates on forgiveness and trusting again.

About the Author

Lakshmi Santhosh

Lakshmi is a greatly followed and acclaimed content creator known for answering the most burning questions on life and relationships. Tons of couples are thankful to her for helping them address and overcome the issues in their marriage. Her contribution to HappyMarriages is a continuation of her wonderful work.

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