Pursue your career or relinquish it for joys of motherhood – the choice is yours. You have worked hard on your career and are passionate about it or maybe you want to give it all up temporarily and settle into motherhood once you are married.
However, post-marriage things may change. The expectations from your husband and his family may be different from what you think. How do you manage this?
Firstly, you need not feel that you are losing control over your life. As an individual, you have the right to make your personal choices. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty about it. But remember, you no longer alone and that you’re committed to a life long relationship with your partner. And therefore such decisions must be taken jointly.
Take your husband into confidence and discuss your decision. There might be some chores that both of you may have to share and adjustments made to accommodate it. A bit of planning, prioritizing and defining tasks to be done will sort this.
Stop comparing motherhood to a job as both are strikingly different. Many women tend to view this like a career, trying to bake the best birthday cake or making sure the child is always at the top of the class. However, this can result in just a whole lot of stress as you try to outdo others. Learn to appreciate and value what your child has and do not see your role as one where your only mission is to turn out a super kid.
Where does your sense of self-worth come from? For instance, if you are a full-time mother, you will not be able to enjoy the same achievement and financial perks that working can give you, however do not let this thought pull you down.
On the other hand as a career woman, you could end up feeling inadequate on the domestic front, say having to miss out on a child’s sports meet due to work commitments or having to leave a sick child with the maid. Feel good about yourself and do your best.
Assert your identity strongly. Set personal boundaries as what you will do or will not. For instance, if you are a stay-at-home mom, chances are that you may be stuck with more than your share of household chores and even have working friends or relatives who request you to handle their work.
As a career woman, you may see this in the form of co-workers trying to push on more than your share of work. Learn to say no and learn to express your individuality. Whatever your choice, stand by it. Learn to take it in your stride.
Once you have made your decision, stick by it and do not have regrets. Every choice comes with its pros and cons, life is about making the best of it.