Why men forget things
Men forget the details because it’s hardwired in them that they are the providers and protectors.

Men forget the details because it’s hardwired in them they are providers and protectors.

Madam, before you hit the roof about your husband’s forgetfulness remember that not too long ago all that a man was required to do was clobber some hapless creature drag its carcass into a nearby cave where his kith and kin waited for food. That was half his responsibility fulfilled. When his own stomach was full and his primary biological needs taken care of, he would lie in the shade of a big tree and wake up only when his kith and kin were threatened. When that threat was neutralized the man felt that his life’s purpose was achieved.

This behavior is hardwired into the genes of men, ingrained indelibly over millennia. However centuries of evolution has brought about some change. But that change is still miles short of the desired transformation that most women expect. Even now men believe that going to work, putting food on the table, satisfying their primordial needs is in a nutshell the purpose of their life.

Does this mean that most husbands are insensitive? NO.

She remembers that during courtship and the months and years immediately following her marriage, her husband had a wonderful memory for even the trivial details that concerned her. But as the years progressed he seemed to forget even her birthday and their wedding anniversary. Why?

During their early association the man focused on winning the woman’s affection. But after he achieved that, this wooing no longer appeared to be a dare, and the man moved on to things that were external to his domestic realm and more challenging.

Most men do not understand how forgetting little details is perceived as lack of love by women. The men claim that they worked so hard to give their wife and kids the best they possibly could. Most of them were taken by surprise by their wife’s grievances and did not realize that they had done anything wrong or that they had been negligent.

Does this mean that women are unreasonable to expect their spouses to remember details that are important to them? Because of social dynamics and peer pressure, women have come to expect their husbands to behave in a pattern that is prevalent in their social group. And this in addition to their husband being a good provider.

An unreasonable expectation? Not really.


The solution to this problem is quite simple. A calendar with all the important dates marked on it, together with the wife’s preferred gifts: favorite perfume, desired flowers and so on marked on it. And as an added precaution encourage the wife to drop hints – subtle or otherwise.

“Where are you taking me for dinner this anniversary?”

“Don’t buy me anything very costly for my birthday.”

This always works.

Men must make an attempt to remember all things that matter to his life partner. This shows that he cares for his wife. He must then make this a habit. And over a period it should be fine.

If he is a good provider, a responsible husband and father, your husband is a reasonably good man. So don’t be too hard on him for such lapses especially when the solution is really simple and you could help him develop a good habit.

Prabhu Lazarus

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