Speaking The Language Of Women

Men would be on a strong footing if they made a bid to understand women.

No man can safely claim that he knows everything that goes on in a woman’s mind – or even anything close to it. To be in perfect harmony in a relationship, it is important to know what works and what doesn’t in dealing with the “other gender”. Not only does this help spouses understand each other better, it makes it easy to defuse any conflicts that may arise.

Women are a different breed when it comes to communication and emotions, and men would find themselves on a stronger footing in their marriage if they made a few considerations and avoided some common mistakes.

Making problem-solving the main priority
Now, this might sound a bit counter-productive since men take it upon themselves to set everything straight. However, in times of trouble, women only want someone to give them a patient hearing and acknowledge their feelings. Take the case of Rahul and Vidya, for instance. A newly married couple, Rahul and Vidya were leading a blissful life for the most part, but a bit of frustration started creeping in when Rahul tried to deal with every fight and argument by offering a “solution”. “His reluctance to talk about issues and head straight towards a solution angered me the most, especially when I just wanted to pour my heart out and have a friend to talk to,” says Vidya.

Another common mistake that men tend to make in such situations is to later try and win back their spouse by making up or getting a gift. While a thoughtful gift is always appreciated, nothing can compensate for your time, attention and compassion.

Be consistent in your relationship
It is important to control the pace of the marriage to avoid burning out. Men are sometimes guilty of this. “Ganesh used to be very romantic and passionate when we were newly married, but now he rarely does anything nice for me. I can’t help but feel that our relationship has lost its magic,” says Pooja who has been married for five years.

Marriage is like a plant, you need to nurture it every day. Learn to appreciate and support in every little way you can. Do not start off the marriage with great passion and then take things for granted. Instead, keep the romance going for freshness in your relationship.

Don’t treat marriage like a game
Atul and Sonali had a troubled relationship to begin with, but Sonali claimed that the greatest hindrance to their happiness was Atul’s tendency to treat the marriage as a game and keep scores. He would do certain things, and expect her to hold her end of the bargain by performing her duties. This was to him a good way of managing the relationship. Needless to say, this upset her.

Remember, marriage is not a scorecard game where you tick points for each thing done.

Sure marriage is all about sharing responsibilities but it is also about giving and loving. Everything you do for each other does not have to be a transaction with pre-conditions. It helps to balance practical matters with emotional investment on your part.

Make her feel very important
Since marriage is a sacred life time relationship between two people, your wife is deserving of equal responsibility and control.  Handling all financial and administrative matters may make men proud, but it can be a real thorn to your wife. Involve her in all decisions and ask for her opinions – you may be surprised at her skill.

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