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When women react to something that bothers, at times does the opposite of what they intend. Rajasekar KS says there’s a better way to do it.

#1 Can we talk now

This is the most terrible thing for men to hear. It straightaway puts them on the defensive and they withdraw. It’ not about being right or wrong, it’s about the purpose of your talk. It’d be better if you could say, “Do you have a few minutes, I have something where I need help.” This makes him open, receptive and puts him in a positive frame of mind. Then you can go ahead and explain to him that he needs to support you with this and that. And you think he’s really good at that. You’ll find them change slowly, which is what you want.

#2 Do you remember this day

It’s true that men forget important days and don’t remember small details of past conversations. The better way is to lovingly tell your husband that he works so hard for the family that he sometimes forgets things. Gently remind him what it is and expect a memorable day ahead. Now watch how he surprises you with a plan for an unforgettable evening.

#3 Leave me alone

When men hear this they immediately feel unwanted in the relationship. Instead, try telling him that you need some time to get over something that’s bothering you. He’ll generally turn responsive and go all out to understand and make you feel better.

#4 Never mind, I’ll do it myself

This simply means that he’s incapable of doing it. That can hurt a man’s ego and he can resist change. Perhaps, it might work if you said, “Honey, can you support us in doing this. I know you’re busy but I’d love your expert help here.”

#5 Why didn’t you tell me this before

Men are forgetful by nature but confronting him could make matters worse. “Honey, I heard that….but looks like you forgot to tell me. I felt a bit bad but I’m sure it just slipped your mind. Do remember to tell me the next time,” might work better.

#6 You should have known this…

Men who hear this feel failure to deliver on expectations. Most men can’t read between the lines and know what’s going on in a lady’s mind. They’re bad at reading body language too. Wise women explicitly or tactfully tell the men what they expect. That solves the issue permanently.

#7 I don’t want to be your mother

Dragging mothers into a conversation invariably leads to unsavoury moments. Does he leave wet towels on the bed, used socks in the shoe cabinet or dirty plates on the table. Lovingly drag him to do it a few times till he learns it.

#8 You’re going out with the guys again

Again a complaint mode doesn’t help at all. If you want the person to change, it’d be better to acknowledge that men will want to hang out with guys once in a while. And, yes women do need to do the same with their gang of girls. Tell him you’re okay but not this time as it’s becoming a bit too frequent. More since you need his help for an upcoming project at office or the children’s annual day or exams.

#9 The children are watching you

While it is right but telling this in front of the children undermines his authority. Have these conversations alone and explain that you feel sometimes his actions or habits could affect the kids.

#10 Let your family come home

Threats many a times doesn’t work even with kids, then why would it work with adults. This is like trying to hurt him below the belt. Get his family out of the equation and find a way to positively impress upon him to get things done.

Women need respect, love, support because they deserve it. But the above tips are just smart ways to help change men. Try it and let me know if it worked.

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