As a Newly Married Learn to Make Adjustments for a Happy Life

Make adjustments and you can make the honeymoon last forever. It’s difficult. But not impossible.

When you are not so starry eyed as you were during the first days of the honeymoon you will begin to see that while you continue to be one in spirit you are in fact two distinct individuals. And considering that no two individuals are the same you will start to notice differences between you and your spouse. The sensible thing to do is accept this reality and get a grip over these differences and learn to deal with them.

It often happens that we marry an individual for who that individual is, and then spend years trying to change that individual to what we want that individual to be. That’s when the friction begins.

So what do we do about these differences? In the first place minimize the chance for any significant differences. Do this during the alliance process. Make sure you consider all the important “compatibilities”.

An often overlooked compatibility is “upbringing”. Couples from contrasting upbringing need to make conscious effort to adjust. They need to understand why their spouse is doing things a certain way. They must learn to empathise with them.

Habits are another source of marital discord. Giving up certain habits is difficult since habits die hard. This is especially the case with eating habits. A regular meat eater can’t be expected to go vegan. A person given to pizza meals and takeaways may find it difficult if the spouse loves only home cooked meals. Or one spouse imposing dietary restrictions on the other. The debate here is not which one of you is right. The key word is adjustment.

Personal hygiene is another critical issue. Some people believe that it is enough to brush your teeth once in the morning. Some believe in bathing twice a day. A few insist that the toilette is spotless all the time. Differences arising out of dissimilar hygiene habits can be sorted out with less difficulty as there are commonly accepted norms regarding these issues.

Different sleep times and wake up times can be bones of contention. One spouse could be a night owl while the other may be used to going to bed early. One partner may get up before sunrise. The other may want to sleep till the world around is bustling. The watchword here is again adjustment.

Watching TV, sharing household chores are matters that are settled with little or no animosity. Discuss. Adjust. Focus more on common goals – matters significantly more important.

Do not react to any situation that may be unfamiliar to you. You must understand that these habits have been lifelong and if anything seems to be upsetting you, then talk it over. Remember, it’s not easy to accept and change. Give the other time. More importantly, you too may have to be reach for a bit of change.

Put the love of both above everything else and you will find that even though the way you honeymoon differs the honeymooning will continue.

Both husband and wife need to make adjustments to lead a happy life and be in harmony at home.

 

Prabhu Lazarus

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