Marriage works up magic in us and makes our life meaningful, says Dr Nisha.
Marriage is an emotional, social and legal institution in which two people joined together to share emotional and physical intimacy for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family. The goal of marriage is not to think alike but to think together. Marriage is at the start is an empty box; we must put something in before we can take anything out. It is mosaic we build with our spouse and millions of tiny moments that creates our love story.
In the age of Feminism, Careers and Individualism, the old school of thought about marriage is fading away. Due to the increasing trend of live-in and higher rate of divorce, few people don’t want to marry and due to obligation, societal and parental pressure and fear of being alone, some people marry without giving a single thought that their marriage will last a life time. So, it’s a necessity to prepare ourselves in the meaningful way for marriage.
We can see many positive reasons to get married and these reasons can maximize the chances of successful marriage:
Companionship is long lasting. Some describes companionship as a cosy feeling, a nice full feeling after a pleasant meal with someone or that easy rhythm you fall into the familiar. We can hire a maid, cook, driver or a partner for the fulfilment of all desired needs, but it completely lacks the companion with whom to share the journey of life, who stand by us in the thin and thick of life. So, sharing your life with someone is the ultimate goal of marriage and sincere communication is a key to good and healthy companionship.
From the beginning of the marriage, our effort should be directed towards being a companion and friend to each other. We should make constant and conscious efforts to be the part of each other’s interest and hobbies so that we should be able to communicate and talk on any subject.
Love and Intimacy
In marriage, love and intimacy are inextricably interwoven. Love is the daily decision to give, serve and communicate in a kind and respectful manner. These actions always knit two individuals together. It requires effort, patience and practice.
A more genuine kind of mature love helps ensure a good marriage. We should not only love each other, but ourselves too so that we can express our needs honestly and assertively. We should be mature and independent enough to acquire self-knowledge and self-confidence to develop an interdependent relationship that can facilitate intimacy.
Intimacy describes closeness and feeling of warmth, we have with someone and with whom we should like to enjoy our intimate moments. It takes a great deal of time, effort and hard work both to develop and maintain. Marriage is an important source of intimacy but after marriage sometimes, it disappears completely. People get into marriage to avoid loneliness and to find intimacy later when the marriage feels sifting or empty. Then some people escape from it to maintain their sanity and independence.
Support and Growth
Marriage can produce many good times; it has its share of struggles, challenges and differences. These provide opportunities for growth both personally and in relationship. In marriage, we learn the true meaning of self-sacrifice and adjustment. We learn to tolerate imperfections and differences and also learn to acknowledge and handle hostility. It makes life live longer. It helps us to grow. An insightful, strong and honest partner can bring out the best in a person. It offers stability and overall support that allows person to be succeeded in life. A loving and caring partner helps to be stable in all spheres of life.
A marriage can’t survive, if one person thinks only of their own development and needs but mutual and genuine support for the betterment and achievement enhances and stabilizes marriage.
Sex is a biological need of human being. It is a crucial ingredient of individual well-being in intimate relationship especially marriage. Marriage has been seen as a stable source of sexual satisfaction.
Marriage is a legitimate and healthy way to one’s sexual feelings and behaviour, but it should not only be the major reason for marrying. Sexual relationship is an indication that everything is still fine despite wrinkles, sags and “love handles”. To keep the spark alive in marriage; couples need to keep the relationship alive through communication and sharing. Problems in sexual functioning therefore need to be addressed, if people are to have successful marriage.
Marriage is the standard method for starting a family. It is the most stable and secure environment. Kids grow in a normal family. Marriage provides the best atmosphere for the birth and nurture of children. Parenthood is world’s most difficult job and lasts a lifetime, with no pay, no fringe benefits, no vacation and with little thanks.
Respect and Security
In our Indian society, married men or women get more respect in society as well as in their respective families. Live-in or Divorce is still a taboo. Most of the people marry (especially women) for financial security. Marriage brings financial benefits if both the partners are working. Financial problems are the most common reason, marriage does not automatically produce economic security, but couples continue to search for the elusive goals.
Dr. Nisha Khanna (Ph.D), Marriage and Family Counsellor, New Delhi