Asking the right kind of questions before getting married can lead to a positive relationship. And this in turn leads to a happy marriage, says Rajasekar KS.
What are your expectations of marriage?
Most of us have positive expectations about marriage, despite a bit of anxiety of the unknown. But, it’s always best to discuss what your future partner looks forward in the marriage. That leaves less scope for disappointment. Our belief systems and upbringing impact our expectations and to have a stable and happy relationship, discuss what you expect of each other.
Which of your current activities you’d like to continue doing after marriage?
Most people assume that we can discuss and sort things out as we go along, but some things are best discussed at the start. Passion such as singing, dance or art for which you need dedicated hours every week or being part of the cricket team, trekking club or community time with an NGO – you must share it before marriage.
What kind of support you expect from spouse at home?
Do you expect your man to do household chores – if so what and how much support is expected? Or the wife to cook and care for parents – time to discuss, isn’t it?
Are there financial commitments or debts that you need to disclose?
These days with education being expensive, many young people have to pay education loans. At times, credit card debts or home loan commitments are also possible. It’s advisable to share important information with your prospective spouse to avoid any arguments later.
What kind of participation do you expect in terms of spirituality?
Here again, we safely assume that going to a place of worship regularly or following a path to spiritually is acceptable. But, then other could have a different opinion. When you talk openly about this the expectations are clear to your spouse.
Is health a matter of concern for each other?
It’s rather unusual to discuss matters of heath during pre-marriage meetings. Nevertheless, if there are significant or long-term health concerns, it’s wise to talk about it.
When do you plan to have children?
It may not sound like a priority right now, but chatting about expectations of starting a family leaves no room for surprises later on. A broad agreement on this will help build the bond between you two.
Career priorities and partner’s support?
It’s not uncommon to pursue a degree post marriage, pursue research or work abroad for some time. If that’s what you intend to do, your partner’s support is crucial during that period. Soliciting support beforehand can be a good idea.
So you see, asking the right questions can help each other understand expectations.